Like We Used To
by toughgirl13
Summary: I looked in the mirror as I put on my tuxedo. My heart was beating a million times. Today was the day. I know that from this day it won't be like any other days that we spend together. After this day, everything is about to change.Rated T just to be safe
1. Stay close, Don't Go

**A/N: Yola! So here is my new story. I hope you like it :) I was inspired by a song ;)**

**disclaimer: NO! I don't own icarly. The only thing I own is the laptop i used to make this story. I also don't own the song that inspired me to write this.**

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I looked in the mirror as I put on my tuxedo. My heart was beating a million times. Today was the day. I know that from this day it won't be like any other days that we spend together. After this day, everything is about to change.

-_flashback-_

_It was late and we we're watching her favourite movie. This is like the millionth time we watch this movie and we've memorized the lines already._

"_Hey watch this, this is my favourite part!" She said. I know, you told me a million times already. I thought as I smiled and watch the scene._

_The movie ended with a bowl in her lap and her head on my chest. I smiled as I tucked her hair behind her ears. I can feel her breath.__She can feel my heart and fell asleep to its beat. I placed her head down and went to my bedroom to get some pillow and blanket. I went back and saw her angelic face on the couch. I placed the pillow on the empty part of the couch I sat down and grabbed the pillow and set it on my lap. I grabbed her head and placed it on the pillow above my lap. I grabbed the blanket and placed it on her. I once again tucked her blonde curls behind her ear. I inched my self closer attempting to kiss her temples. When I was close enough a sudden movement was done._

"_What are you doing Fredwierd?" She said looking at me with those big blue eyes._

"_N-nothing..." I said pulling my face far from hers. I look at her thinking that she would stand up and leave. She lifted her face a little bit_

"_Well keep your face far from my face because I need some good sleep, alright Benson?" I nodded as a reply._

_She shifted the pillow a little bit and let her head fall on it again. I rubbed her head_ and started to drift to sleep.

_-end of flashback-_

I went to the car and started the engine. I smiled because that memory was 14 months and 7 days ago but who's counting? I know, me. As the car goes farther the rain started to pour. I saw her house and decided to stop over although I knew she wasn't there. I saw a light post in her house that was once with purple lighting.

_-flashback-_

_I was driving her home when I saw a purple light in her house. I looked at her and said "Sam?"_

"_Hmm?" She replied_

"_Why is the light post's light purple?" I said, she grinned in reply_

"_Oh you know I love purple" _

_I pulled over and lead her to her house. She wasn't wiping the grin off her face which made me laughed. _

"_What?" She asked with a now serious face_

"_You were grinning all the way to your door" I said with a small laugh. She smiled and laughed._

"_I must've looked crazy." Just then the rain started pouring__**.**__ Good thing we're already inside the house when the rain started falling from the sky.__We smiled at each other and that's when she ran to the window and looked outside a huge smile appeared on her wonderful face. My eyes widened when she ran outside leaving the door open and started dancing on the rain._

"_SAM! What are you doing? You're going to get sick!" I said running to the door._

"_Look!" She pointed upwards. "The light makes the rain looks purple!" She said dancing._

"_You know you look crazy dancing with no music" I said smiling while leaning onto the door frame._

"_Uhuh" She stopped dancing and crossed her arms while giving me a smirk "Then why don't you sing for me?" She asked running towards me and pulling me outside making me wet from the rain._

"_SING! SING! SING!" She said_

"_Okay! Okay!" I replied and started singing her favourite song. I looked at her dance with her fist in the air. She laughed. I laughed. She can really bring out the best and worst in me. I'm not quite sure where I stand though._

_-end of flashback-_

I drove away from the house and started driving to where I am heading. It was a long drive but I still came the earliest. Everything was prepared some workers where there to make the place perfect. Since I was there early I've decided to walk around the place. Behind the altar was a glass door that leads to a terrace. On that terrace you can see a garden with a swing set. I smiled as I remember Sam licking one before.

"Freddie!" I heard a familiar voice called me. I looked back.

"Carly!" I hugged her and said "Long time no see. How are you?"

"How am I? How are you? Look at you!" She said pointing at me.

"Yeah look at me" I chuckled

"Sam thought you would never come. I mean, you know what happened" She smiled. I forced a smile

"Have you met the guy?" She continued.

"Just in pictures when Sam told me she was getting married."I replied

"So you've seen each other? I mean you and Sam"

"No." I said. She raised her eyebrow "We talked through mail"

"Ohh. So uhmm... People are coming you wanna grab a seat?" she asked. I nodded.

I sat at the very back. Everyone was there, even the groom. I finally see him in person. I looked at the back door and there I saw her, I saw Sam in her wedding dress. How I wish I was the one there at the altar waiting for her. She looked at me and smiled mouthing "Thank you" I smiled. I promised her I would come even though it pains me to see her get married to a perfect man. I watch her walk to the altar and I watch him as he smiles waiting for her.

_-flashback-_

_I kissed her. I kissed her again. I don't know if she will be mad or not but she's not cutting the kiss she wasn't responding either. When I pulled away she looked at me in the eyes._

"_What are we?" She asked with her blue eyes. I didn't know how to answer. I don't want to lose the friendship and the closeness; I don't want to lose her. So I said the stupidest thing a guy could ever say to the person he loves._

"_We're just friends. Right?" I said_

"_Yeah. We're just friends" With that she walked away. I didn't know why but I just stopped seeing anyone. I'm so stupid. I'm extremely stupid._

_-end of flashback-_

Their hands were intertwined. I just can't take it anymore. I still love her obviously. So I stood up and walk away. I want her to be happy but I just can't take it. I'm so sorry Sam. I walked towards the garden and sat on the swing set. This place reminded me so much of her and I don't know why. I looked at the sky and for the first time in a long time a single tear rolled down my face. I tried not to think about her that much that I prevented myself from crying.

_The end?_

_

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_**Yes. There is a question mark in there. This will be a two shot story so I really hope you like it. I'll say the song when i post chapter 2 :)**

**Also, please review on musicfreak291's new seeddie story. THANKS!  
**

******Love it. Hate it. I don't care just leave a review.**

******P.S.**

******Thanks to my beta! :) **


	2. Kismet

**A/N: Here it goes. The second and the last Chapter. I'm so speechless... I hope you'll like it. Thanks to my beta :)**

**disclaimer: I don't own it! I DON'T OWN iCARLY.**

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"Fredward Benson" I said following him. I love him. Don't get me wrong. I love Alex I really do but I realized I love Freddie more. It was true, what they say. You never truly know if you're over someone unless you see them. When I saw him ran away I can't help but follow him. I know it's stupid. I am getting married with a rich, handsome, good, no, great guy and here I am running away from him following the guy who left me a year ago.

"Freddie" I said his name one more time. He stood up and looked at me with a confused face.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting married?" He asked.

"I am. Just...just answer this one question." I said "Remember the times we spent together? Did you... did you love me?"

"You still worry about that? We are just friends right?" He replied. It broke my heart into pieces. I want to run away. I want to get out of this situation. I shouldn't have followed him. I shouldn't have risked everything.

"You're right. Just friends. That's all we'll ever be. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. I'm going to go now." I said walking away. I didn't even want to ask him why he left during the ceremony. I didn't even want to ask if he wanted to come back. I just walked away. This isn't me. I'm not weak but why do I feel this way around him? I walked back to the ceremony and placed a forced smile on my face as I saw Alex smiling at me. He offered his hand to me. I took it and faked a smile.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked. I looked into his green eyes and instantly I knew I should stop this.

"Look. I'm so sorry. I love you Alex, I really do but you're not the guy for me and I'm not the perfect girl for you" I said looking at him "Look at you. You're an amazing guy. You're everything a girl could've asked for. You're too perfect and you deserve something more." I continued. I kissed him for one last time and gave him a tight hug.

"Is this really what you want?" He said giving me a smile.

"Will you let me do it?" I asked

"I love you and I want you to be happy." He gave me another hug and whispered to my ear. "It's him isn't it?"

"Yes" I whispered back. "Can we still be friends?" I asked.

"We'll still be friends." He said "Now what are you still doing here? Don't you have to tell him how you feel?" he continued. My heart sunk. I've wasted it all. He doesn't love me. What am I doing? But I can't get married to Alex too. I want him to find a girl that will love her with her whole heart.

"Not now." I replied. I walked away smiling at him. Everyone stood up wanting to know what's happening. I walked away from everything. I walked away from the place with one last glance. Then I was gone.

**

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3 months later...**

I was now living alone in my apartment. Three months had already passed and I'm living my life as good as possible. I haven't talked to anyone in my past life though. I tried living for myself. I got a permanent and decent job. Unfortunately my dream to become an invisible ninja did not come true but I am an interior designer now. I know it's not a Sam-like job but after I graduated from college I've never really worked since I met Alex he insisted me not going to work. Here I am on my work room trying to think of a design for my new client. _Buzz_. I looked at the screen to see who was buzzing at my apartment door. I saw the doorman at the screen. I walked towards the door and open it.

"Hey what's up?" I asked leaning on the door frame.

"A guy gave this letter to me saying that I should give it to you." He said showing me the letter.

"Okay, Thanks James" I grabbed the letter and closed the door. I walked back to my table and opened the letter from an unknown sender.

The letter said:

_Hey Sam,_

_Three months ago you got married. Three months ago you asked me if I loved you. I said I didn't. I said you were just my friend. We were just friends. I lied. I'm a big fat liar. I loved you and I still love you but I know you love him and your life will be better off without me. I didn't want to confuse your feelings. Remember the place you got married in? I now know why I think the place reminded me so much of you. It's because that's the place we first met. Do you remember? When we were just kids? Your mom's friend and my mom's distant cousin were getting married and we were so bored we went to the swing set. Do you remember? I was so mesmerized by you but you didn't seem to care about me then a couple of years later we meet again. You'll probably show this to your husband and laugh at it but hey, I'm just glad you know how I feel. I've been looking at this blank piece of paper for three months until now. For years we've been communicating through smirks, punches and smiles. It's now time to stop reading between the lines. Just one simple I love you and I guess, that is all I want to say. This letter basically screams I love you. This letter is written just to tell you I love you._

_Love always,_

_Freddie_

Tears rolled down my face and I didn't think twice. I ran outside my apartment not using the elevator but running through the stairs. I was gasping for air when I reached the lobby I went to the front desk.

"Where is he?" I asked catching my breath

"Where is who?" James asked.

"Where is the guy that gave you this letter?"

"He walked away. He said he didn't want to ruin your relationship with your husband by showing up which is weird because I know you're not married, are you married?" He asked

"I was supposed to but I cancelled the wedding for the guy who gave this letter now in what direction did he go?" I said screaming

"He turned the right way. I'm not sure where he's heading though." He replied.

"Okay, thanks" I said.

I ran outside the revolving door and went to the right side. I saw a man with brown hair that resembles Freddie's. I ran as fast as I could but I'm not that fast to get to him though. My feet were getting tired and my breath was becoming shorter but quicker. I placed my hands on my knees gripping on the letter. People were passing beside me and it's like the world was in slow motion. That was when I heard a familiar voice calling me.

"Sam!" He said. I turned around to see who it was.

"Alex?" I smiled looking at him. I proceeded to hug him.

"How are you? You look... tired." He asked looking at me

"Oh, it's nothing." I replied.

"Oh come on!" He looked at me smirking. "How about this, let's have coffee together, my treat."

"Sure"

We walked towards the coffee shop and I sat on the table beside the window. I looked outside wondering if ever I will see him again. I heard footsteps coming closer. I looked at Alex walking towards me with two cups of coffee in his hand.

"So do you mind telling me what happened?" He asked.

"Freddie happened" I replied.

"What do you mean by "Freddie happened" I thought you two got together when you cancelled the wedding?" He said putting air quotes on the phrase _Freddie happened. _I slipped the letter on the table and looked outside the window.

"Read it" I said not looking at him. I was still hoping that Freddie is somewhere near so I can find him and I can tell him everything. So that I can tell him how I feel. I heard a low chuckle in front of me and I looked at Alex with a confused look.

"So he thinks we're married?" He smiled "I would love to be married to you but I want to see you happy" This time he smirked. I hit him on his shoulder.

He laughed "Relax. I was just kidding"

"I know you were" I replied.

"I think I might have an idea where he is." He said. I looked at him with desperate look. I really _really _want to see him.

"Can you take me there?" I asked with pleading eyes.

"Of course" He said standing up, grabbing my arm. I walked behind him as we went to his car parked nearby. He went inside the car and I just stood there like some kind of idiot.

"Don't you want to see him?" He smiled "Come on" he gestured his hands telling me to come in. I entered the car and he started driving. I remember going to this place. I remember passing this streets. I remember this feeling. My heart is beating a million times faster. The car was speeding towards the place and I know now. I have a feeling that Alex is right, that wherever we were heading right now that's where I'll find him. That's where I'll find Freddie and I won't even hesitate because it feels like I found home. The car pulled to a stop. I looked at the place. This was where I was supposed to be getting married. I looked at Alex with a reassuring look. He just gave me a nod and a smile. I went out of the car. I ran towards the garden and to the swing set.

I saw a guy sitting there swinging. I felt satisfied.

"You shit!" I said raising the letter. The guy on the swing looked at me and immediately I knew it was Freddie.

"Look! I know I shouldn't have written than but I just can't take it anymore. You don't need to clear things out. I'll stay away from your life. You don't have to deal with any of this. You can go and live a normal life?"

"That's bull Freddie. You think after everything you said in here everything would go back to normal?" I said with a teary eye. "Why now? Why just now? Why didn't you tell me three months ago? Why didn't you tell me at this exact same place three months ago?" I said screaming.

"If I told you that I love you three months ago would you say 'I love you to-'"

"Yes!" I said cutting him before he could even finish his sentence. "Yes!" I said crying. "You're the only one who's too afraid to tell me how you feel. You are so oblivious you didn't even think why I showed up in here in the middle of our wedding? Alex and I, we didn't get married. I just think you need to know that." I said walking away. I don't know what to say anymore. I imagined to be like some movies where the girl and guy confess their love and run to each others hand and kissed and then they'll live happily ever after. I felt a strong grasped on my hand. I was turned around and a pair of lips smashed on mine his right hand on mine and his left hand on my face. I did not respond for a few seconds but when I realized it was true I started responding and deepening the kiss. He pulled away and looked at me.

"The question is; Will you still tell me 'I love you too' after I tell you this: I love you." He asked

"Yes. I love you too!" I said as I kissed him passionately.

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"You may now kiss the bride" I looked at everyone and smiled. Then I looked at Freddie as he walks closer and kissed me.

"You know I hate your last name" I said as I pulled away the kiss and smirked.

"Well, you just have to bare it." He smirked "It's now your last name too." Another pause "Mrs. Benson" This time I kissed him.

"But somehow it fits me" I smiled. We looked at everyone and smiled. "I'm Mrs. Benson!!!!" I said shouting making everyone laugh.

"I love you, Sam. I love you so much" He smiled

"I love you too"

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**That's it. Truthfully, I don't know how to end this. I mean the perfect ending so I'm sorry if you're not satisfied or if you don't find it beautiful.**

**love it. i don't care just leave a review :) **

**P.S**

**The title of this chapter is Kismet. In Turkish and Urdu, kismet means destiny :)**


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